Monday, December 31, 2012

You Know I Love You If I Agree to Check In On Your Cat

Ok, let me preface this by explaining my relationship with cats. I think they are horrible. Truly, I can't find anything good about them. It doesn't help that both my Dad & me are extremely allergic so I've never had a lot of exposure to them.

By now you all know about my friendship with Christine. We met freshman year at Michigan State and have been friends ever since. Her & her husband live exactly 30 steps away from me (I counted today) and they have the cutest beagle dog. They also have the Demon Cat a.k.a Elsie. I swear she is a Demon Cat and everyone who meets her pretty much agrees. You can read about her here & here. Despite Rex & Christine's instance on keeping her, I am still friends with them. That might change after today though...

Rex & Christine have been in Michigan visiting family for the holidays. Christine asked me months ago if I would watch Elvis, which I am more than happy to anytime. As I was driving Rex & Christine to the airport we were going over things like the mail, Elvis, etc. When Christine asks the dreaded question, "Can you check in on Elsie a few times?" What?! My mind was racing on how to react. I loath that cat. Seriously. And her feelings are the same about me. I'm positive of it. But being the good friend that I am, I agreed. I only needed to make sure she had water & wasn't dead.

On the 27th I decided I better go check on Elsie. I peeked my head in and turned on the light. Phew, the coast was clear. I quickly checked the bathroom & there was water in her dish. I walked back outside but called her name and she came sauntering over. Ok, she was alive. My job was done and I thought "Hey, maybe I can do this. It'll work out and be ok". Ha was I wrong!

Since Rex & Christine come home tomorrow I thought I should check on Elsie one more time. I mean how horrible would it be if they walked in and found a dead cat in their apartment! More importantly the smell would be horrendous! Actually now that I think about it, Christine would probably be the only one upset... moving on. I walked on over to their apartment, opened the door, and peeked my head in. The darn cat was right by the door! I thought in my head I have 2 options.

1. Leave. She is obviously alive and ok but does she have water? 
2. Go in & suck it up. 

I chose option 2. Now you may be thinking, "Why Elle? Why?" Honestly, I am terrified that I am going to kill Elsie one day. And I didn't want it to be that day. Thankfully I had a piece of paper in my pocket so I threw it in the doorway to try to get Elsie to move. The logic behind this, is that it worked with Elvis (the dog) so maybe it would work with her. Nope, she looked at me like "How DARE YOU throw something and think I will go FETCH it!". Since that didn't work and I had pants on I quickly took the 2 big steps to the bathroom and shut the door. I was home safe.

Guess again... I forgot to close the bedroom door! Elsie came sauntering into the bathroom! Ugh what was I going to do now?! Hmm... her water dish was empty so I could just quickly pick it up. Ok that will work. The minute I bent down though she dashed over and rubbed up against my arm! Dang it, I could feel the itch coming on. Alright, I had the dish now I just needed to fill it up. I thought this would be simple since cats hate water. Right?! Haha, not this cat. Oh no, I turn on the water and she jumps in the sink! Great, now I have the cat and the dish in the sink, the water running, and it's going to overflow if I don't do something. I tried to call her out. I tried to get her attention with a toy. I even turned the faucet on higher hoping it would scare her! Nothing Worked!

By this time I was sneezing more than breathing and looked like I had just gone to a funeral because I was crying so much. I decided to leave the bathroom and sat in the living room devising my plan. I thought food might work but the food was in the bathroom. No go. Finally it hit me! Light bulb went off! Get her attention with another water source! I turned the water on in the kitchen and opened the bathroom door. I called her name. No movement. Grr... I was getting impatient and water was going to overflow any second. Then I saw it... the bathtub! Whoo! As I replay this in my head I imagine me moving slow motion to the bathtub, turning it on, and grabbing the water dish gracefully. I was victorious! Haha not really. I turned on the tub, Elsie stood on the counter, I quickly turned off the water, grabbed the bowl... and spilled some of it on floor. Real graceful, Elle. Oh and Elsie rubbed against my arm and made hissing noises at me. Ba dum dum dum... the Demon Cat won again.

Rex & Christine, this is my official resignation as Elsie's personal torture device. Sorry but you'll have to get someone else to do it! Good news (if you're Christine), Elsie is still alive. With water.

Christine & Elsie

My proof that Elsie has Demon Powers!

P.S Christine is an amazing writer and you should check out her blog here.

P.P.S If you want to find out more about Elsie and her evil master plan then pre-order The Elsie Files on Amazon! It's an amazing book and great for all ages!

1 comment:

  1. Ummmmm.... I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!!
    I am so sorry! If it makes you feel any better, I read this post to my in-laws and they were all cracking up. You totally should have said no to checking on her! I know you're allergic, but you weren't supposed to have to actually touch her... Aw man, I am SO SO SO SORRY. You and I are going for pedicures this week, on me. :-(


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