We've all seen the show.
Some Most of us are inspired by it. We see these average, over weight people go on The Biggest Loser and miraculously transform into healthier people. Even the people who only went there for a week, are "suddenly" changed. This is all a lie. To me at least.
This is not going to be easy. I'm already hyperventilating as I'm typing this post. It's not the fact that I have to loose weight. Or to accept the fact that I'm fat. Yes, fat. The part that is hard to digest is writing this for anyone to see. Family, friends, random strangers, people who Google me, are all going to see this. That is the hard part.
Let me move on. I've
ALWAYS most of my life, been fat. From birth-5 years old I was healthy. Then I had really bad ear infections and lost 80% of my hearing. I had surgery to put tubes in, my tonsils and adenoids out. My hearing got better but after that I gained weight and never lost it. In fact I kept gaining, and gaining, and gaining.
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| I'm on the right, 3 years old |
I've always been active. Played softball, basketball and dance until high school. In high school I did track, tennis, band, and ran a 1/2 marathon. But I've always been overweight and it kept me from a lot of things. I never had a lot of dates, wasn't part of the "popular" crowd, didn't do the typical high school things. It made prom dress shopping miserable. It made my senior trip not fun because I was embarrassed to be in a bathing suit. It held me back.
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| Senior Picture 2006 |
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| Senior Prom, 2007 |
Then I went to college. That was even worse. I tried for a sorority but no one wants the fat girl. Especially when you go to a Big 10 school full of beautiful people. I had a hard time making a lot of friends. I wasn't confident to go out so I spent most of the nights in my dorm room instead of going out with the other girls on my floor. You learn to self-cope. You learn to be the "fat friend" who will be by your side no matter what. You learn to take head-shots instead of full-body shots. You learn to ignore the sales girls who won't come near you because you both know you won't fit in any of the clothes in the store. You learn to be the wing-woman with guys because every girl things a guy out with a "fat friend" is sympathetic and charming. You learn to be someone who you don't want to be and put a smile on your face so everyone knows its ok.
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| Freshman year, Fall 2007 |
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| Sophomore year, Fall 2007 |
Well I can't do it any longer. I don't want to spend any more nights alone and not having fun because of my weight. I don't want the sympathetic stares, I want the "dang she's cute" stares. I don't want to only take head-shots I want full-body, full of life and adventure shots. I don't want to be the wing-woman I want to have the boyfriend/husband that everyone is jealous of. I want to be healthy, fit, and free from this burden. But most importantly, I want to be me.
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| Senior year, 2011 |
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| Summer, 2011 |
So I'm taking the steps to do this. I've joined a gym I really like. I'm trying clean eating and loving it. I'm doing all the steps I can. What I don't have is support. No one in my life really struggles with their weight. I don't have friends who truly understand. My family doesn't understand. My colleagues don't understand. When I say I really shouldn't have something, I mean it. But I don't want to be the person who lets people down, so I go. I NEED support. I NEED to loose this weight.
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| Fall, 2011 |
Will you support me? Any is better than none.
